CHRISTIAN WAY OF PARENTING
“My daughter is like a friend to me,” my friend once told me. “We’re friends. I don’t treat her as a daughter.”
Fine. But there’s something beyond all that. You must be a guardian of your kid. This principle must come first. Friendship and other things can come later.
Pope Benedict once said: “Parents are not the friends nor the masters of their children's lives, but guardians of this incomparable gift from God."
Is there any role model for parents? The love, loyalty and dedication of Mary and Joseph is an example for all Christian spouses for their role as guardians of their children's lives. In Jesus' family, there is a “mystery of faith and humanity" which we can enter through the example of Mary and Joseph, he said.
Without any doubt, I can say Bible is the best reference book for parents, and not the hundreds of “so-called” bestsellers on “parenting” available on bookstores.
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it”: says Proverbs, 22:6 NIV. This proverb points us to the need for parental support and guidance for our children, from a very young age. So as parents, are we adequately empowered or equipped to take the role of the trainer to the God’s most precious gift? Do our skills, knowledge and talents prove useful in accomplishing our primary responsibility as a parent in directing our children through the Lord’s chosen path?
Yes, the onus is on parents to safeguard our children’s lives – physically, mentally and spiritually -- and bring them up as the dear sons and daughters of God.
Though skills, knowledge and talents could suffice in mentoring as a parent, the most essential and inevitable thing a parent need to do is to live as God expects us to do. “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 NIV). That is, God expects parents to be living examples of godliness and role models to our children.
When we hear this, majority of us would consider it as an impossible thing to practice. Being role models does not mean that your deeds or words or actions would always be perfect or you would be a person completely free from sin, or always prim and proper and all those. But we need to always strive to become one or take conscious effort to get better day by day. As humans we parents are prone to make mistakes. Despite the errors we make in our daily lives, we need to be the first to take corrective measures as soon as possible.
For example, if there was a heated argument between the parents in front of the kids, each parent should apologise to each other as well as to the kids for hurting them by that episode and reconcile. Such a mistake would definitely make us pray to the Almighty for healing our kids of the little hurts and wounds created through our irrational or furious behaviour.
In order to be a good trainer to our child, we as parents need to know the direction. Study the Word of God and you would develop in to a good guide and trainer to your kids and ultimately a good individual. Once we start studying the Word of God it starts echoing in your mind when we cross the limits.
Whenever I rebuke my kids over any issue, be it rational or irrational, I get reminded of following scriptures. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6: 4 NIV). If I continue to unleash my anger after the limit, it gets uncontrollable and lot of adverse things follow. But if I could put a break immediately, the issue gets resolved instantly. That is, if we consciously study the Bible and seek him in our daily lives, He will be there to guide you in all activities. So in parenting we need to be mature enough to understand and recognize the instructions from God. We need to OBEY his instructions completely.
There are occasions in the life of parents when they are prone to a prejudiced approach to parenting; even a spirit filled person could take purely worldly parenting decisions. Individuals who are called to be parents often remain perplexed at these junctures over the ways with which their parenting can be made effective in developing a new generation filled with and directed by the Holy Spirit.
But the Holy Spirit will definitely guide you in to being a good parent if you consult him even for the simple decisions in life. The book of Proverbs clearly indicates that disciplining the child as an act of love by the parent. “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them” (Proverbs 13: 24 NIV).
The Holy Spirit will always give clues in your life regarding the ways in which you need to help the child in their developmental path. No parent has to be guilty over the small wrong decisions in their lives. God always gives us many more chances to take the corrective steps and he would restore the mental, physical and spiritual health of our child. This does not either provide you the license to vent your wrong emotions on your child. All your actions and decisions should be rooted to the awareness that “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him” (Psalms 127: 3 NIV).
We have a duty to give back our children to God in the way He desires. So in the ‘Year of family’, let us read, meditate, study and live the word of God and become good parents and sow seeds in to perfecting family lives.
(The writer is a marine biologist based in Cochin)
“My daughter is like a friend to me,” my friend once told me. “We’re friends. I don’t treat her as a daughter.”
Fine. But there’s something beyond all that. You must be a guardian of your kid. This principle must come first. Friendship and other things can come later.
Pope Benedict once said: “Parents are not the friends nor the masters of their children's lives, but guardians of this incomparable gift from God."
Is there any role model for parents? The love, loyalty and dedication of Mary and Joseph is an example for all Christian spouses for their role as guardians of their children's lives. In Jesus' family, there is a “mystery of faith and humanity" which we can enter through the example of Mary and Joseph, he said.
Without any doubt, I can say Bible is the best reference book for parents, and not the hundreds of “so-called” bestsellers on “parenting” available on bookstores.
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it”: says Proverbs, 22:6 NIV. This proverb points us to the need for parental support and guidance for our children, from a very young age. So as parents, are we adequately empowered or equipped to take the role of the trainer to the God’s most precious gift? Do our skills, knowledge and talents prove useful in accomplishing our primary responsibility as a parent in directing our children through the Lord’s chosen path?
Yes, the onus is on parents to safeguard our children’s lives – physically, mentally and spiritually -- and bring them up as the dear sons and daughters of God.
Though skills, knowledge and talents could suffice in mentoring as a parent, the most essential and inevitable thing a parent need to do is to live as God expects us to do. “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 NIV). That is, God expects parents to be living examples of godliness and role models to our children.
When we hear this, majority of us would consider it as an impossible thing to practice. Being role models does not mean that your deeds or words or actions would always be perfect or you would be a person completely free from sin, or always prim and proper and all those. But we need to always strive to become one or take conscious effort to get better day by day. As humans we parents are prone to make mistakes. Despite the errors we make in our daily lives, we need to be the first to take corrective measures as soon as possible.
For example, if there was a heated argument between the parents in front of the kids, each parent should apologise to each other as well as to the kids for hurting them by that episode and reconcile. Such a mistake would definitely make us pray to the Almighty for healing our kids of the little hurts and wounds created through our irrational or furious behaviour.
In order to be a good trainer to our child, we as parents need to know the direction. Study the Word of God and you would develop in to a good guide and trainer to your kids and ultimately a good individual. Once we start studying the Word of God it starts echoing in your mind when we cross the limits.
Whenever I rebuke my kids over any issue, be it rational or irrational, I get reminded of following scriptures. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6: 4 NIV). If I continue to unleash my anger after the limit, it gets uncontrollable and lot of adverse things follow. But if I could put a break immediately, the issue gets resolved instantly. That is, if we consciously study the Bible and seek him in our daily lives, He will be there to guide you in all activities. So in parenting we need to be mature enough to understand and recognize the instructions from God. We need to OBEY his instructions completely.
There are occasions in the life of parents when they are prone to a prejudiced approach to parenting; even a spirit filled person could take purely worldly parenting decisions. Individuals who are called to be parents often remain perplexed at these junctures over the ways with which their parenting can be made effective in developing a new generation filled with and directed by the Holy Spirit.
But the Holy Spirit will definitely guide you in to being a good parent if you consult him even for the simple decisions in life. The book of Proverbs clearly indicates that disciplining the child as an act of love by the parent. “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them” (Proverbs 13: 24 NIV).
The Holy Spirit will always give clues in your life regarding the ways in which you need to help the child in their developmental path. No parent has to be guilty over the small wrong decisions in their lives. God always gives us many more chances to take the corrective steps and he would restore the mental, physical and spiritual health of our child. This does not either provide you the license to vent your wrong emotions on your child. All your actions and decisions should be rooted to the awareness that “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him” (Psalms 127: 3 NIV).
We have a duty to give back our children to God in the way He desires. So in the ‘Year of family’, let us read, meditate, study and live the word of God and become good parents and sow seeds in to perfecting family lives.
(The writer is a marine biologist based in Cochin)
No comments:
Post a Comment